Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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