this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize