i was born a porn star she said
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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