we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
