I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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