Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I need to stop coming to work sober
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
