it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
