Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
