Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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