i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
