I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
