just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
