so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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