i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
