That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
