Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
