Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
