So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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