best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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