I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
