I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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