Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
