why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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