i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
