i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm like, not good at living.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
