i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
