The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
