Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
