Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
