Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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