every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want her autograph on my taint
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
