we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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