i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
