its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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