Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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