he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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