The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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