Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
