Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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