Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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