Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I puked a lego.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
