Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
