Ambien. No doubt about it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
