sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
