Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
3 2 1 whiskey
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
