so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize