I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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