just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
