How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
