The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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