we're chasing vodka with high fives
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
