it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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