But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
