I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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