Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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