She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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