Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
