i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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