I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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