remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
