too bad you live with your parents still
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
