therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
