I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
