This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
