you guys were way drunker than both of me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
