Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
