Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
