i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
