seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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