Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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