just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
