dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
