The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize