he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
