too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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